Robin is, to put it simply, one of the most incredible babes I have ever had the privilege of knowing. She is lots of fun to be around, as she is so good-natured and has a wonderful sense of humor. She is also extraordinarily kind-hearted; in particular, she has a soft spot for children and small, furry animals. As you can see from her picture (which was taken when she was on a trip back to the alternate universe from which she originally came), she is quite beautiful. Come on, admit it – you just cannot resist that smile!
Robin originally came to our world through one of the four thousand holes in the Albert Hall, which is a concert venue located in the South Kensington district of London. You may find a more thorough discussion of the Albert Hall, and the holes therein, in the FAQ section of this website. Although nobody knew that each of these holes led to an alternate universe at the time, she was able to crawl through and emerge into our world in January, 1891.
She wandered aimlessly about London for the next few weeks, until she found herself in the Whitechapel district one night in March. She ran into the serial killer who has become known to history as Jack the Ripper; he almost caught her, but she managed to elude his grasp. She ran into an alley and opened the first door she came to and ran inside, slamming it shut behind her.
This doorway turned out to be a portal, which led her to a large estate in the Brentwood section of Los Angeles, exactly one hundred years later. Fearing that Jack the Ripper might emerge through the portal behind her, she lost no time in leaving the estate; this turned out to be fortuitous, as the estate in question belonged to O.J. Simpson, who, as we all know, is also quite fond of playing with knives.
Wandering around Los Angeles, it did not take Robin too long to fall in love with the place. She quickly adopted it as her new home. The only drawback was the quality of the air, which was dirtier than what she was used to. She rectified this by obtaining a transparent glass bubble and putting her head into it. The bubble contained a filter that purified the air, allowing her to breathe freely.
Robin has a mischievous side to her. This manifested itself quite early in her L.A. sojourn when she began to leave paintings of herself all over town. If you go to Los Angeles, you can find such portraits adorning billboards, benches at bus stops, and the sides of buildings. These great works of art have been criticized by a gaggle of “civic-minded” busybodies who have nothing better to do than to agitate for their removal. Fortunately, such narrow-minded jamtarts are few and far between, although they do seem to make a lot of noise. This all led to Robin becoming known as “Bubblehead.”
After a few years had passed, Robin made her way south to the San Diego area, where she remains to this day. She is currently employed as the office manager and administrative assistant for the office where I have my CPA practice. In order to escape the notoriety that she attained from being Bubblehead, she changed her appearance, and her name, becoming the Robin that we are all familiar with. An added benefit was the fact that, since the air in San Diego is cleaner than that in Los Angeles, she was able to discard the fishbowl helmet that she had been wearing.
It was while working together that Robin and I got to know each other. As time passed, we became quite close. She is a real asset to my business; my clients are absolutely crazy about her, and for good reason. With her warm, engaging, and infectious personality, she has them all wrapped around her little finger. She has also become just about my closest friend in the world. We have been there for each other through thick and thin, each of us ready with a hug when one is needed. She even saved my life when I became seriously ill about ten years ago by making sure that I got to the emergency room – if I had waited even another day, I might not be here to create this website.
Of course, Robin does have her dark side. On any one of the very few occasions that someone comes into the office and gives her (or one of us) a hard time, she adopts the persona of Mistress Marla, a devastatingly sexy but stern and unyielding leather-clad dominatrix who quickly puts him (or her) in his place. She has built an elaborate dungeon in the back room of our office, which she refers to as her Special Punishment Room. Once one of her victims enters this space, she works him over with any number of strange and fiendishly exquisite devices, most of which come from various alternate dimensions. (The usual whips and chains are too mundane for Mistress Marla!) The victim is then never heard from again. Nobody knows where these victims end up, but it has been rumored that they are beamed up to a Klingon Bird of Prey, after which they are transported to the Klingon penal colony at Rura Penthe, where they spend the rest of their miserable lives at hard labor. One thing is for sure – once someone gets on Robin’s bad side, they are never allowed to do so ever again!
Robin is happily married to Doug, who is the quintessential all-American nice guy. She first introduced him to me when I was at the office, and he came in to see her. Because it happened to be a Saturday, I was dressed down; I was wearing my Coca-Cola tee shirt that I had purchased at the Coca-Cola museum on the Strip in Vegas. As it turned out, he worked for Pepsi at the time, and gave me a bad time about my choice of attire. We had a good laugh over it then, and still do to this day. He eventually saw the light and left Pepsi, taking a job at a company that actually does something worthwhile.
Robin and Doug are parents to three sons – Josh, Johnny, and Mitch. When Mitch was born, I tried to talk her into naming him Ivan because I think that is a really cool name. However, she chose not to do so. I keep telling her that she needs to give birth to six more boys so that she can have an entire baseball team (and maybe they can become the starting lineup for the San Diego Padres someday), but she chose not to follow that suggestion as well. Nevertheless, all three of their boys are growing up to become fine young men.
Robin has also “given birth” to three little girls. The first is Crush, a desert tortoise that she acquired from one of the financial planners with whom we share the office. The damn thing crawled around the office when he brought her in, and tried to eat my foot! The tortoise did not seem to be particularly impressed when I turned on the stereo in my office and played “Happy Together” by The Turtles in her honor.
Next up is Nala, a rather large dog. For awhile, Robin would bring her into the office with her because her house was being worked on, and she didn’t want to leave her home alone with the construction dudes. She has to be the quietest dog ever known to man – when she is at the office, she just lays there all day, taking up space. I am not big on dogs, but Nala is the ideal one in that she doesn’t bark incessantly, drool all over the place, try to lick my face, or bite me in the ass.
Last, but definitely not least, is Zoey, who takes the form of a very beautiful cat. She has the softest fur of any cat I have ever interacted with; petting her is a real joy. Whenever I am visiting Robin at her home, I make a point of spending some quality time with her.
Culturally speaking, Robin is a total 1980s babe. You might say that she is totally tubular – she loves all things Eighties in terms of music and movies. She enjoys watching classic films like Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Weird Science, and pretty much any movie that has Molly Ringwald in it. As for music, she loves all of the classic Eighties bands like Oingo Boingo, Motley Crue, and the Talking Heads. Her all-time favorite band is U2. I love to tease her by telling her that my big goal in life is to turn her into a 1960s babe. This should not be too hard to accomplish, as a lot of Eighties music is derivative of the Sixties. She is actually a big fan of The Doors, which is my second favorite band of all time.
Having Robin in my life has been a great blessing. Her life story in itself provides great entertainment. I keep telling her that she needs to have her own sitcom on television. She is a real character who manages to get into and out of strange situations, all while wearing a smile on her face and dealing with whatever strange things come her way. She is also a very lovely lady, inside and outside. I just could not imagine going to the office every day without having her around to brighten things up.